Many have been asking me, “What’s next?”
The short answer is, “I don’t know.”
Yes, I have Ideas. Inclinations. Preferences. Interests. Desires. Interviews. Referrals. Resumes sent. Job searches conducted.
But, no clear indication (yet) of what God has in store for me “post-Africa.”
This has been an exciting, but nonetheless, scary process.
As I continue to come off the “highs” of returning from Kenya, and those quiet, silent, reflective, still moments come my way, it’s easy to want to stay busy and distracted and get caught up in activities, people and tasks. Why? Quite honestly, so that I don’t have to realize that I AM weak, dependent and a helpless child in the Great Potter’s hands.
So, it’s been quite a roller-coaster. Of emotion and prayer and continual surrender, all the while resting in the arms that are underneath. On some days, I am filled with faith-filled anticipation and a strong sense of confidence in God’s faithfulness and provision. My prayers are vibrant, my requests bold, and my joy full. Other days, I am restless, discontent and anxious. I feel lonely, I doubt God’s goodness, and I begin to strive to try and make things happen. But, on this roller-coaster, God has been gracious to remind me who’s in control. Phrases/scriptures keep coming to mind, bringing great comfort:
His eye is on the sparrow.
And my God will provide EVERY need of yours, according to His riches in glory.
If God is for me, who can be against me?
Plans to prosper me, plans to give me a hope and a future…
You hem me in, behind and before
Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act
Tonight, I also remembered an old, but very timely song that my Mom shared with my sister the summer before she got married. I have listened to this song many times, and it just also seems to quiet my soul whenever I am at a crossroads in life.
“Hard as it seems
Standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now
Wonder if I
Wanted to try
Would I remember how
I don’t know the way to go from here
But I know I have made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice
This is the faith
Patience to wait
When there is nothing clear
Nothing to see
Still we believe
Jesus is very near
I can not imagine what will come
But I’ve already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice
Could it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams
that He has dreamed for me
Can’t imagine what the future holds
But I’ve already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice”
– Twila Paris
So, what’s next? I don’t know 🙂 But, I DO know I can Trust Him.